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How I Ended Up In Stitches

2012 April 18
by Becky

Yes, I made a trip to the ER this weekend.

NO, it wasn’t for Ethan (thank goodness). It was for me. I’m so dumb.

I screwed up our Saturday plans, which included a trip to Home Depot to buy plants and fixin’s for our yard then lunch at a super dive-y Mexican restaurant nearby (I had dreams of tacos al pastor on the brain). After an hour of arguing about discussing every single plant and pot, we had a cart and trolley full of yard gear.

We split up for two last items: Stu in search of a new outlet to hook up our super cute outdoor lights while Ethan and I sought out sheet metal for another magnetic chalkboard project. All was going well, I tossed my piece of shiny metal under my cart and was on my way to checkout when I misjudged my footfalls and swiped my shin across the metal’s edge.

“Crap!” I thought. Another scratch/bruise to add to the collection that seems to always grace my legs.

Then I took a gander at the situation.

OMG. There was a cut. On my right leg. A BIG cut.

No, a gash. A huge gaping gash in my leg, exposing gross fatty tissue.

I picked up the phone and called Stu.

“I have cut myself significantly and need you to meet me in lumber,” I said calmly but in an I’m-not-messing-with-you kind of way. We met at the front of the store—me pushing Ethan in the cart, Stu pushing a trolley full of beautiful, carefully chosen plants and pots.

“Excuse me?” I requested of no less than five loitering Home Depot employees. “Where is your First Aid kit?”

I got confused looks that quickly transformed to horrified realization when they saw my leg. I was led to a semi-stocked cabinet just feet from where we stood (apparently lumber is where the injuries happen) and I proceeded to slap a huge wad of gauze on my wound. Surprisingly, it wasn’t really  bleeding that much! I mean, I walked across the whole width of the store and only had a small trickle stopping just above my red Tom’s (so glad they are red!). Nonetheless, tape and several bandaids helped to secure my bandage in place. It looked super cool.

“Beck, I think we need to go to the ER, that cut is bad,” Stu said, face a haunting shade of white. But I was determined.

“No, we just picked out all this stuff! We spent an hour! Let’s buy it and then go to the ER.”

Yeah, I know, I’m devoted to not wasting time. Hey, we don’t want to spend all weekend getting this s%&* done. I wasn’t about to come back and pick them all out AGAIN.

At this point the crowd of workers were really freaking out, asking what they could do, and eyeing my bloody leg with concern.

“Please open a line and check us out so we can go to the hospital,” I politely requested. Ok, it may have been more of a demand, but hey, I was bleeding here!! It sent several workers into a flurry of action.

Stu headed out with Ethan to get the car while our purchases were rung up and I headed back to the cabinet for more tape. I paid, pushed everything outside, and I fed Ethan lunch while Stu loaded the car. I was bumming about our taco lunch that clearly would not be. My half-hearted suggestion that we stop for take out was answered with baffled laughs from Stu.

Well, the rest is pretty boring. The INOVA Mt. Vernon Hospital was only moments away, so Stu and Ethan waited with me for a bit, then I urged them to leave so Little Man could take a nap—it was going to be a while. In “ER time” though, it all went very fast. I did indeed need stitches, six to be exact, and it was all pretty painless.

When the nurse practitioner came in, she opened with “This is going to hurt”. Who says that?! Lie to me! Tell me it will all be fine. So I jokingly asked it if would be as painful as a bikini wax (something I recently experienced for the first time) to which she replied “Yes”.

I’m here to tell you, the wax is WAY worse.

Now it may be gross, but I can’t write this WHOLE post without showing you my leg in all it’s Frankenstein-i-ness.

Please excuse my super white legs. I will be treating myself to a spray tan very soon.

I know it’s weird and kind of unbelievable, but nothing about his hurt AT ALL. I guess it was the cleanness of the cut or direction of the cut…whatever, it didn’t hurt. I kept waiting for the pain to set in and it didn’t.

My greatest concern? Weddings. My two Besties are getting married this summer and I want to look fab in the beautiful bridesmaids dresses currently hanging in my closet—both above the knee. The doctor promised things would be in good shape by the end of May for wedding #1. And hey, I don’t even have to stay off it! I was walking around the neighborhood later that day and we worked in the yard for hours the next, no pain or issues. Aren’t our bodies incredible?

Basically, I was annoyed with myself for being so clumsy, something for which I’m not known. I would have been super annoyed by me if I were Stu, but of course he wasn’t. Just another reason he’s a keeper.

What dumb way have you hurt yourself lately? Common…make me feel better!

18 Responses
  1. Kathy permalink
    April 18, 2012

    Oh my! So sorry! And… OWE!

  2. Grandpa Joe permalink
    April 18, 2012

    Love the Red Toe Nail Polish too.
    Good photo documentary.

    • Becky permalink*
      April 18, 2012

      I actually have a picture of the doc stitching me up, but didn’t think anyone would want to see that. Scary what you can do with a cell phone camera on silent mode.

  3. April 18, 2012

    Ugh, no fun! When you get the stitches out, I found that those C-section scar patches are actually really good. And one of those suckers will last you like a year with a cut that size. I got 3 uses out of one for my C scar so a six-stitch scar will easily only require one patch for the 3 months it recommends.

    I haven’t hurt myself BADLY lately, but I did drop a wooden spoon covered in boiling hot sauce on my tow about an hour ago. I’m not sure if it was the heat or the way it landed JUST WRONG on my middle toe, but it hurt like a b*tch.

    • Becky permalink*
      April 18, 2012

      I will be checking those out! And I hope your toe is back in shape in time for our shopping trip tomorrow! Very excited!

  4. GG Vi permalink
    April 18, 2012

    So sorry Beck. Could have been a lot worse. Just a bump along the road.

  5. Sandy Schon permalink
    April 18, 2012

    At the same time you were injuring yourself, Dad was trying to kill me with a bungee cord. He let it go (by accident) and hit me right in the middle of my chest. Didn’t know what happened at first, but realized later, that it could have been catastrophic. Clear the deck when someone has a bungee cord! We were both lucky.

    • Becky permalink*
      April 18, 2012

      You forgot to mention that you were ALSO at Home Depot. People must get hurt there all the time!

  6. April 18, 2012

    I would’ve gotten the taco takeout!! I once cut my finger while making dinner, Brendan was still at work and I was home with ingrid without a car, and I figured I’d be hungry waiting at the er so I held my hand above my head while we ate dinner. Then I drove myself to the hospital and got my stitches. We are strong women!! Pushing a kid out (or getting a wax, lol!) is way worse than some cut! Hope your leg heals nicely for the weddings!

    • Becky permalink*
      April 18, 2012

      Great story! And I am SO sorry we didn’t get tacos. Would have made the waiting room time go even faster. :)

  7. Breezy permalink
    April 18, 2012

    Dude! I read this to Nick and we both cracked up, especially totally picturing you on the I-Phone saying “I have cut myself significantly, meet me in lumber”. Love it! Miss you!

  8. Patti Voboril permalink
    April 18, 2012

    Good job Becky. A fine looking gash.. OK to make you feel better…. I did not get any stitches but have been to the chiropractor and massage, not to mention ice packs. All this from playing with the grand kids last weekend… It’s a bummer getting old. I guess no more swinging the grand kids around the yard anymore..

    • Becky permalink*
      April 18, 2012

      Ok, I feel better! But your reason for being hurt is so much better than mine! Playing with grandkids sounds better than slicing your leg with random metal. I’m going to say I got hurt skydiving. :)

      • Patti Voboril permalink
        April 19, 2012

        I love it. I feel pretty dumb hurting myself running around the yard with a 2 yr and 5 yr old. I like the idea, I hurt myself sky diving with you.

  9. April 22, 2012

    Owie!!! Cringing just reading that. I would have made the purchase before going to the ER, too. All that time wasted?!?! No way!

    • Becky permalink*
      April 22, 2012

      Wasted time is pretty much my enemy.

  10. Kate permalink
    April 24, 2012

    well… I’ve been dying for more pics of YOU on the blog… but I didn’t mean to wish a gash in order to see you… your legs… your pretty toenails…. but I love that last picture of you – with your sad face. love you AND your stitches. xxoo

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