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Blog Silence

2013 August 16
by Becky

Not sure if anyone has noticed, but for the last few months I have scaled my blog posts waaaaay back.

There’s a reason this has happened.

The first and foremost is my back. Or, more specifically, my disc that decided to rupture, letting the disc material press against a nerve that sends pain shooting down my butt, through the side of my thigh to my knee, then through the back of my calf.

Basically, the whole lower left part of my body is a disaster.

I’m usually ok walking or standing—which is why I tiled my kitchen walls with absolutely no pain—but sitting hurts. A lot. All the time. Some chairs affect me more than others, but overall sitting is my worst enemy. It’s a little better when I’m distracted—like when having dinner with friends—but it’s been really tough to sit down and get things done. When sitting at a desk, I’m able to pump out invitation designs, blog posts, edited photos, and other projects, but with this disc issue, I work mostly on my couch, laying down with pillows piled under my knees.

Not a great way to get things done. If I were still in an office setting, I would be so screwed. I’d be the weirdo building myself a stand up desk in some corner of the office. And meetings? The 4+ hour deals I used to sit through on a regular basis? Yeah, they’d be a nightmare.

Basically my productivity is pretty poor these days. And it’s killing me. I’ve spent 2.5 years posting three times a week to this blog and now I’m lucky if I get two out. Feeling like a pretty big failure in blog world.

The second reason things have slowed down is summer. The most beautiful summer I’ve ever known in seven years living in St. Louis. Cool breezes, sunny skies, temps in the 70’s…when I need a light sweater in the evening I feel like we live in Stu’s hometown of San Luis Obispo, CA. So we’ve been getting outside, going to the pool (it’s almost not hot enough to swim!), seeing friends, and exploring local restaurants—preferably with outside seating! So computer time hasn’t been top on my list.

Excuses, excuses, I know. This blog is a challenge to myself to record our lives in a public forum where I can sharpen my writing skills and stay motivated to complete the projects that so often pop into my head.

But, come September 5, I hope to be back up to speed. That is the day I’ll be having surgery. On my spine. (AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!)

Just kidding, I’m actually ridiculously excited about it. I’ve heard about 10 stories of people I know that have had great success with this surgery. It’s the final option in my treatment…we’ve tried everything else. You should see the pile of pills I’ve been popping every day that give me only slight relief. So surgery is scheduled and the doc told me most people feel 75% – 95% better immediately following the procedure. The surgeon doing my “discectomy” does these things constantly, so I’m in good hands.

So that’s my story.

I hate talking about my back to friends and family (this does not include Stu, he hears about it constantly), because I don’t like being “Debbie Downer”, making people feel bad for me. Because no one should, I’m dealing with it. I may just eat dinner standing up. But my pain has greatly affected our family—Ethan, Stu, and I…maybe even Dewey—because I can’t do all the things we usually do. Take long walks to the park, go places where I may have to crouch or bend like the City Museum, I can’t work out at all, just sitting at dinner can be pretty taxing. Plus, being in pain all the time is exhausting. I’m wiped out by the end of the day.

And telling Ethan I can’t pick him up or hold him because my back hurts absolutely breaks my heart. He doesn’t ask me to carry him down the stairs anymore, instead he says at the top of the staircase, “Mom, you back hurts. I do it myself.” Seriously? Breaks. My. Heart. He even says “Mama I’ll fix your back!” out of the blue sometimes. And when I drop him off at school, he’ll ask, “You going to doctor to get your back fixed?” Even our 2.5 year old wants this pain to go away. 

Therefore, I’m going to be brave and go under the knife. Crossing my fingers and toes that this surgery works.

Sob story over! I’ll be working on an awesomely funny and uplifting post for next week. Thanks for listening.

Have you had this surgery? How did it go? 

8 Responses
  1. Linda Kosch permalink
    August 16, 2013


    I had this surgery in 1989 after traction, hospitalization, and loosing 90% of feeling in my left leg-I waited too long! The surgery was very successful and yes, I immediately felt better and such a relief to not be in so much pain….just as you described-sitting was “impossible” and for me, even emergency room visits and shots did not ease the pain of “whole leg” charly horses that lasted for hours.

    Linda Kosch

    • Becky permalink*
      August 16, 2013

      Linda, you are one of the success stories I know about…my mom shared your story and it really gave me hope a couple months back with my injections didn’t work. “Charly Horse” is the exact same way I describe it! So glad you are all better now…I can’t wait till I can say the same.

  2. Joe Bubulka permalink
    August 16, 2013

    Had two. First one was an ortho surgeon with big hands. 6 mos later, same spot, a neuro surgeon with small hands. The second one took. Check out your surgeons hands. : ). BTW. All better now, you will be glad u did it.

    • Becky permalink*
      August 16, 2013

      Ha! I’ll call and ask for a hand measurement :) I’m so glad it worked for you the second time, hoping I get the same result on my first go round!!!

  3. August 17, 2013

    No surgeries (yet) to share. I’m sorry you have to do this, but I’m sure the thought of having a real solution seems incredibly appealing right now. I hope these next few weeks go quickly and you get some relief soon.
    Kristin recently posted..the many faces of tenMy Profile

  4. Wuselbibi permalink
    August 17, 2013

    Becky, I´m hoping your surgery helps immediately. I can´t imagine how it must be to be in pain constantly! It´s more than enough for me to have had some sciatica issues last week. And that ist now way better after having gotten a simple acupuncture from my midwife.

    So my best wishes are with you! It´ll be great after your surgery. And Ethan won´t have to fix your back ;-)
    And by the way… Please don´t be remorseful about writing less. After all, it´s “only” a blog. You share your life voluntarily, and I don´t think there´s anybody who´d criticize you about being a little more silent than normal. Especially while you are sharing your whole painful back story.

    Good luck and all the best!

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